We R Effed (A Love Story)

If there is a mental disorder for manic doubt, or doubt attacks, I think I have it. A couple of times a year I have these mini-crises where I doubt everything. I’m not talking, “If I can’t see it I don’t believe it” doubt, I’m talking Matrix, there is no spoon, is this all a dream, doubt. It’s in the pit of my soul. I can feel it around my heart (literally, that’s where my stress and worry physically manifests itself in my body). I lose sleep and I freak out for days or weeks at a time. I question everything.

Of course God, Jesus, religion, all of it, gets put on trial when I go through these bouts. What if there is no God? What if the Bible is wrong? What if Jesus was just a moral teacher? What if I’m a Christian only because I was born in America? What if all my atheist friends are right and I could be sleeping in on Sundays? What.....If.....All of it. It flies through my brain at lightning speed. I wish I could tape it all and put it on YouTube.

All of that to tell you that I understand doubt. I understand when we hear evidence that doesn’t jive with our worldview we discredit it before we actually look into it. I understand grabbing and grabbing and coming back empty. I know what it’s like to read my Bible, go to church, pray, and feel nothing. I thank God for that.

Do you know what keeps me here? Do you know what keeps me with the Bible and Jesus and Christianity? It’s the only religion or philosophy that is honest with me. The Bible tells me in the midst of my doubt, inferiority, brokenness, and weakness that I am inferior, broken, and weak. I know in our self help, everybody’s special, life your best life now, I blame the system and my mom, world this is not what’s supposed to be said, but the truth is at the least cathartic and at the most freeing.

Ever been lead on by somebody you loved? That sucks. That girl or that guy who flirts and flirts and you really want to be with them and they act like they want to be with you and then you find them making out with somebody else? Oh, that’s a kick to the boys. The Bible doesn’t do that while modern philosophy does. Modern philosophy tells us how awesome we are, and special, and that we’re naturally good. This is the leading on.

We R Effed. We are royally messed up. Can you honestly look into yourself and say, “I’m naturally good”? If you can then you are delusional. Can you honestly bank on the idea that by the time you die you will have done more good stuff then bad stuff? Not to mention, whose standard are you using? If you’re true to yourself that’s great, but are you the universal standard for right and wrong? No, you are not. I’m sorry to tell you that.  I hope your therapist, bong, or social media can have a field day with that realization.

The Bible, God, and Jesus are honest with us about our current condition. We are irrevocably broken and there is nothing we can do about it. There is no balm, there is no bandage, there is no salve to take care of the deep gash that we have. There is not a doctor smart enough, a drug good enough, sex amazing enough to fix the fact that we do stupid shit. Sure, you can cover it up, you can hide it, that’s fantastic, but when we pull a Homer Simpson and put electrical tape over the “check engine” light in our car in hopes of the problem going away deep down we know the repercussions are coming and we aren’t doing the right thing.

Think I’m exaggerating? Think I’m being a dick? Perhaps. If you totally disagree with me look back and see when the last time you said, “Well, nobody’s perfect” or “I’m only human” and you will see you agree that as humans something is naturally broken.

That’s what keeps me in the Bible. That’s what keeps me in with Jesus. That’s the Grace of God. He doesn’t lie to us or let us lie to ourselves. He says “You are broken. You need help. I have the only help.” A lot of people don’t like this. A lot of people think God is an arrogant prick because He claims to have the only way and acts like He’s in charge.

But what if He’s right? What if our best efforts are not going to cut it? Wouldn’t you rather be told that upfront then wasting all of your time? God doesn’t pull any punches. “Your righteousness is like a dirty tampon to me” (Isaiah 64:6). God isn’t interested in the good stuff we do to try to appease Him. He has no interest in how “good” we are. He doesn’t set up a list of do’s and don’ts that must be completed before we die. All He said is, “Follow me.”

See, that’s where Jesus is a shitty moral teacher. He doesn’t teach us how to be good, instead He teaches us how we don’t have anything good in us that isn’t a lonely remnant of Eden. Jesus teaches us that He is the answer to God’s impossible standard. God is His own answer because He’s that big. He doesn’t need us to answer questions for Him and He doesn’t need to answer all our questions either. He doesn’t HAVE to do anything, but He did.

Believe me, in another post we will get into this much, much, deeper. What I want you to do now is take solace, comfort, and joy in the fact that, on our own, We R Effed.

Welcome to the Sinner's Circle

When King Arthur created the Knights of the Round Table he made it a round table so that way there could be no head. Pauper, prince, king and knight were all equal at the Round Table. This was how he governed, this was how he fought. This was how he lead. Circles are equal.

Hi, you’ve reached another blog. It’s called the Sinner’s Circle. We’re not afraid of your shit. Congrats. We hope you just stumbled upon it at 2am while you’re eating Hot Pockets and drinking beer. Or maybe a friend told you about this and you’re checking it out. Wow, some friend you’ve got there.

Let me tell you what we’re all about. Jesus. Yah, Jesus. Don’t roll your eyes. Don’t stop reading. We understand that people have vastly different points of view about Jesus. We are okay with that. Does that mean that we agree with everybody’s point of view? No. We just understand that everybody has their reasons. We will never tell you that your reasons are stupid.  We will never tell you that your opinions are stupid.

But here’s the skinny. We all need to put our faith, point of view, and life under the microscope. That goes just as much for you Christians who found us as the atheist, hooligan, hipster, punk who stumbled upon this. We have no problem with questions. Jesus has no problem with questions. He is big enough. Not all questions can be answered. Not all answers will be liked. We have grown to be okay with that.
In the content of this blog you will find honest talk about God, Culture, and Life. This involves Jesus, church, music, movies, news, experience, and very rarely, politics. It’s an open conversation that has no room for trolling, disrespect, or condescension (unless perpetrated by Willy Wonka).
This idea came about when our chief writer, Danny Exyle, was fired from a church. A few years earlier Danny’s father was fired from a ministry. When Danny started going to another church he saw an old pastor that had been fired from his church. All three were axed for violently different reasons ranging from unfaithfulness and lust to differing ministry philosophies. The one thing that struck Danny was that all three of them were sinners and needed a place to be accepted to deal with their shit.

You can search us on Facebook and like us. This is where you’ll see a lot of Danny Exyle’s off the cuff, uncensored rantings. If you want all that even faster check out our Twitter (@SinnersCircleX).

Since buildings are expensive and blogging is free here we are. We hope you enjoy. We hope you are open and most of all we hope you see:

There’s always a seat open at the Sinner’s Circle.